I've been thinking more about HBP...

I've been trying to think of possible reasons for Snape to have killed Dumbledore and not be evil. Yeah, I'm reaching, leave me be. I'm in denial. It's a happy place. And I wouldn't put it past JKR to be really sneaky like this.

Anyway, as I said, what if there was a way for Snape to have killed Dumbledore but not be evil? Snape has always shown his willingness in the past to face up to reality, to be the one to make the hard choices, to realise and act upon what others won't or can't. He's the ultimate realist, nothing emotional or fanciful about Snape. And Dumbledore has never shown any hesitation in the past in sacrificing his pawns if the need arises. So what if this time Dumbledore was the pawn he was sacrificing? He said to Harry in the cave that Harry's blood was 'worth' more than his, that Harry was more important than Dumbledore. What if the same is true of Snape?

After all, Snape made the Unbreakable Vow in order to prove his loyalty to Bellatrix and Narcissa. If he hadn't done what Malfoy failed to do, kill Dumbledore, he would have died himself. And if Snape was loyal to Dumbledore, then Dumbledore would doubtless have known that, would have known that the situation might potentially arise where it would be a choice between his life and Snape's. Now if Dumbledore felt that ultimately Snape was more important to the fight against Voldemort than he himself was, I don't think he would have had any hesitation about sacrificing his own life to save Snape. And Harry. And by extension, the Wizarding World. And, of course, the only way for him to do that would be for Snape to fulfil his Vow and complete Malfoy's task - and kill Dumbledore.

Which takes me back to Chapter Twenty-Seven...and Dumbledore's death. JKR writes that Dumbledore was 'pleading' with Snape when he says his name. 'Pleading for his life' is the inference Harry makes. Now Dumbledore in the past has never seemed to me to be the pleading type. And he has no fear of death - as far back as the first book, he tells Harry that 'to the well-organised mind death is but the next great adventure'. Dumbledore is not afraid to die. He tries to dissuade Malfoy from killing him because he doesn't want to see Draco become a murderer at just sixteen, not when there is still hope for him, not when it is clear Malfoy doesn't want to do the actual deed. He's trying to save Draco from himself here, not save his own life.

But he must know, he must know, that if Malfoy doesn't kill him then Snape has to. And he also must know that Snape would. And that's the 'revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face'. Snape is revolted by what he has to do, hates Dumbledore for putting him in that position and himself for what he's about to do. But he would do it. And Dumbledore knows that. Perhaps that's where the pleading comes in. Dumbledore isn't begging Snape not to kill him, he's pleading with him to have the courage to do what needs to be done. And Snape may be many things but he's not a coward. So he kills Dumbledore.

The more I think about this, the more I see holes in Dumbledore's death scene. This is one of the most powerful wizards alive, the only man Voldemort is afraid of, the man who defeated Grindelwald, the man who in the previous book managed to escape four Aurors without even breaking a sweat, and he's practically felled by a sixteen-year-old armed with Expelliarmus? Yes, he was weakened by the whatever-it-was he drank in the cave, but even then he managed to conjure up the fire to save Harry from the Inferius. And he managed to practically outrace Harry on the broomsticks in order to reach Hogwarts. Yet suddenly he can't even defeat Draco Malfoy? Dumbledore's not omniscient, he can't have known that there were other Death Eaters about to appear on top of the tower - so why freeze Harry, ostensibly to 'save' him? If it were simply a matter of stopping Draco, he wouldn't have needed to freeze Harry to stop him moving to save Dumbledore. A simple Stupefy or Petrificus Totalus and problem solved, Draco's out cold. Harry's never needed protection from Draco Malfoy before. So why now?

The only explanation I can think of is that Dumbledore knew he had to die. Even if Malfoy didn't kill him then, even if the other Death Eaters didn't appear on the tower, and the Aurors defeated them and returned calm to Hogwarts, the Unbreakable Vow would still stand. Snape would have to carry out the deed Draco failed to do or he would die. So Dumbledore is faced with three choice:

1. Save Snape's life, sacrifice his own, and force a sixteen-year-old boy to become a murderer.
2. Remain alive but watch Snape die.
3. Sacrifice his own life, save Snape's and provide him with an unshakeable demonstration of his loyalty of Voldemort.

I think Dumbledore would choose the last option. I think Dumbledore did choose the last option.

And what of Snape, are his actions after Dumbledore's death those of an evil man? It's hard to judge. He runs away, he flees with Draco, but then of course he would. Dumbledore has allowed him to prove, once and for all, that he's Voldemort's loyal man. He has to live up to that act now. So he runs. But he also stops other Death Eaters from torturing Harry, ostensibly because Voldemort wants him alive. He taunts Harry, but then he's always done that.

But the bit that made me pause the most is when Harry is down on the ground, saying to Snape, 'kill me, then. Kill me like you killed him, you coward'. And Snape screams 'don't call me coward', but there's a pause between 'don't' and 'call me coward', as though the 'don't' was an instinctive response to what Harry is saying about Dumbledore, and he's then twisted it into something else. And his face is twisted, distorted, 'as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog stuck in the burning house behind them'. I doubt a man as self-possessed and in control as Snape usually is - with some exceptions, I will grant you - would react with such fury and pain to a sixteen-year-old calling him a coward.

No, the pain is in response to his killing of Dumbledore. If Snape were a true Death Eater, a true supporter of Voldemort, if he really hated Dumbledore, if he really had betrayed him as completely as it at first appears...would he be in pain over his death? No. He'd be exultant, gleeful, triumphant, gloating - all the petty reactions we see from him in POA when Sirius is captured and awaiting the Dementor's Kiss. He would be enjoying every moment, Dumbledore's death, Harry's reaction. And he isn't. He quite clearly is not reacting in this way. No, there's only pain. But of course he has to hide it, cover it up, make sure that Harry doesn't see it...because Snape has to be the loyal Death Eater now if he wants to stay alive. Any life he had as a double agent is gone now; he's akin to Sirius Black now, believed guilty of a crime he didn't commit: only Snape did commit it, but not for the reasons everyone supposes. So he casts whatever hex he casts on Harry, the 'white-hot, whiplike' slash across the face, the 'spots of light' dancing in front of Harry's eyes, to cover his reaction, to reinforce his new role. And then he's gone, to what we can only find out in the next book.

So you tell me, am I reaching? Am I in denial? Probably, but whilst I've been writing this I've been flicking back and forth through the book and I'm more and more convinced that there's more to Snape than we're seeing here. Although hasn't that always been the case?

ETA: I knew I'd forgotten to add something! In retrospect, what Hagrid says in Chapter Nineteen makes more sense now, about Dumbledore being angry with Snape. Snape is saying he doesn't want to do it (what?) anymore, Dumbledore saying he'd agreed to it and that was that. At the time we don't know what they're arguing about, we still don't, not really.

But it's not a stretch to suppose that Dumbledore's possible death is something they've talked about, in fact I'm sure they must have spoken about it at some point. Perhaps they didn't necessarily know the eventual circumstances, but with the position Snape was in it was always a possiblity that there'd come a point where it would come down to Snape taking drastic, perhaps unforgiveable actions or risking his cover being blown. I'm sure they would have been prepared for such an eventuality. I'm sure any good spy and handler would be aware that such situations can happen, and I'm sure that then just as now it's the mission that matters, not the individuals involved. But that doesn't mean Snape would like it. Or would even be sure of his ability to carry out such a plan.

ETA2: And one more thing - when Snape and Harry are duelling, Snape is giving him advice! Harry's trying to kill him and Snape is blocking him every time because he can read Harry like a book. Harry is trying to kill him and Snape is giving him Legilimens advice! 'Blocked again, and again, and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!'

Oh, Snape. Break my heart, why don't you?

ETA3: I'm pimping this essay here now - so much of what I was thinking and more on the Horcruxes and the mysterious R.A.B.